That’s what it feels like, like I’m trying to swim upstream. I’ve made the big decision, to quit my volunteer jobs, to follow my bliss, to create for myself. I had the wonderful elation (for like 10 minutes) of contacting these people and letting them know I’m no longer going to be actively involved in the planning and day to day work at their organization. Now I’m getting hit with the resistance, the uncertainty, fear and sometimes down right anger about the change. Mind you, no one is actually saying it out loud, that they’re angry, but I’m so sensitive to energy, I know it, and I feel it.
So to get through this time of change and transition I’m working really hard on keeping my focus on myself and what I’m creating. Finding support from friends that understand what I’m going through. Focusing on what I can control and what I can do now to advance my struggling business. And maybe, just maybe, be a little amused about how I don’t do things half assed. How when I decide to make a change, it’s not small or unnoticed. That I can hang onto an idea and run with it. That if I continue to swim upstream, through this river of resistance to change, I’ll get to the spawning ground of my creativity. (Yeah, I know, bad metaphor.)
Sometimes I wonder if this isn’t just a big test by the universe. We’ll throw all this resistance and uncertainty and fear at her, and see if she’ll keep going forward, or just run away with her tail between her legs like a frightened
puppy otter. This way we’ll know for sure that’s she’s really serious about making art, not just saying she’s going to make art. This way, it’s really do or die, shit or get off the pot.
So it’s time to put my big girl panties on. Ignore the nay sayers and critics (especially the one that lives inside my head) and just keep going forward. In the end, when they see I haven’t given up, they’ll know I’m serious about my changes and desire to create a new life. That life that’s full of creativity, exploration, fun and otters. Lots of otters. Otter photos courtesy of the web, and Daily Otter.com